Sunday, 26 November 2017

what if...

I mean.. what if i don't want to do stuff what other people expect me to do. or what if i don't want to hit that mark with perfect job, get that fancy house, with even more expensive holiday abroad and show it off on the internet.
its kinda boring how everyone following this dogma. everyone wants to be better, richer, more prettier or any other more as they are. most of them even don't see what they have or what they can achieve .. but hey ho, its not in the fashion column so they will just leave it on the side.

I would like to think that word and people can change but i don't think its possible. I have days when I think like if I be more like that..maybe I will get more.. then I wake up.

What more I can change? I changed country, jobs, boyfriends, friends...and still same person with just more years on my shoulders. so screw it... I am tired of following what other wants and expects. maybe I just needed that experiences to take me back to the start to see that its all okay. that I will mess up things, and get up and make it better. that i will meet people who are not really my friends and guys who are really not my boyfriends.. that maybe all this its just some sick circle with that silly meaning of the who I am or what it should shape me to.

either way.. I don't wanna follow. I want to be myself with all the mistakes and bad decisions. as well.... why not. I would like to say its all peachy and we will all be good and happy. we will not, we will be hurt, let down, we will loose people what we care about BUT it will be okay as its should be like that. just don't try to fluff it up. this is life, live it best you can with all the regrets and doubts as thats what is great about it. we have choices. and god help me and make wrongs ones.. but still happy I made them as they shaped my life now.

so just do your F****D up.. as they will be your crossroads one day :) in the good way. just go with it, it will always work it out.

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